Wednesday, January 20, 2010

i am me

This is a piece that I wrote a couple of months ago and decided that I would share with you guys.  I don't know if anyone ever really reads my stuff but any who...here goes nothing....i am me


I won't apologize for being who I am and thinking the way I think...
I am ever-learning, ever-growing, ever-adapting to the challenges of life that I face...
Here lies the beauty of life...
This is what separates us...
This world would be so boring if we all thought, spoke and acted the same way...
I love you because you are you...
Thats beauty...
It makes living this thing called life more comical...
I can't change the fact that I speak hard...
I 've tried changing the fact that I don't smile that much...
I really can't see my face to know what it looks like...
I've tried to fit in to what is normal...
I've failed every time...
Take time to talk to me, I don't bite unless you attempt to bite me first...
I can't change that I fight for what's right no matter what punishment I earn as a result of it...
Its okay that you choose to sit on the sidelines and watch me be ridiculed and mistreated...
I understand that everyone is not cut out for those fights...
It doesn't make you weaker than me or make you smarter than me, when my words hurt me in the long run even though you benefit from them...
I love you still...
This is beautiful...
I love that you are successful in your endeavors even though I was one of your biggest motivators to follow your dreams...
Even though you made it and forgot me it seems...
Do I miss the time we shared...
Of course I do...
I love you silly, and I'll cherish those memories always...
I don't fault you for being you and doing what you feel is right for you to do...
I have to do whats right for me too...
Beauty...
I never said a thing when I saw you with all your new things while I sat there eating beans out of cans when you chose to not pay me back...
I never let you see me cry when you turned and walked away and left me waiting...
I stood and waited...
I hoped you'd come back...
You didn't...
Even though it hurt me, it was beautiful...
I don't hate that you have what you have and I have what seems like peas to your potatoes...
Thats fine...
I've learned how to work what I have so that I'm not left starving...
We've all been hurt before...
We all want to think that our problem is so much worst than the next person's...
A lot of times their problem is way worse than our's...
This life we live is beauty-full...
I love you...
It can sound so false even though it can mean so much...
Humph...
I mean, what does that phrase really mean...
To me, it means...
That I care about you enough to go broke for you...
to fight for you and with you...
to push you...
to cover your back...
to hold you up when your weak...
I hear myself say I love you way too much to others to only seldom hear it back...
Maybe I care for you more than you than you care for me...
I don't judge you for that...
Its who I am...
How I am...
Beauty Ful...
Even though, I may never hear you say it...
Even though you'll never know how many times you've hurt me...
Even though you do and say things that I don't like...
Even though you don't don't know how many times you've made me smile or laugh...
Even though you don't know how much I miss you when you go missing in action...
Even though you're busy when I need you...

I...
LOVE...
YOU...
You don't have to change a thing to gain my love...
I love that you best me every time...
I love that you hold me up even when I feel like falling...
I love that you make me smile when I feel like curling up in a ball and dying...
I love that you are YOU...
I LOVE YOU...
I...
LOVE...
YOU...
Each of you add to the beauty that fills me as my ability to love you grows...
YOU make ME full of beauty...
And thats BEAUTIFUL!!!

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