Sunday, January 31, 2010

Dear God

Dear God,

It's been a while.
I know I have to do better.
I know you sent your Son to die for my sins.
I am gonna do better (for real this time)


I'm tired God.
I need your help to make it through this.
I already know failure is around the corner if I try to carry this one alone.
I need your strength for this journey.
I ain't strong or smart enough.
I mean, you know my heart.
You know whats in there, right?

Well for starters, this is my last year in school.
I was hoping that it would be my last semester but I messed that up.
So, I'm taking 18 hours, plus a 15 hour/week internship, plus 25 hours/week at the job.
Oh and did I mention, time for home work and life.
Yea, I'm super mad at myself for this one.

I need your help.
I don't like one of my professors.
And I don't mean I don't like onions but I'll eat them occasionally.
I mean I don't like her like I don't like liver.
I don't even like to see her.
Thats how much she gets on my nerves.
I really need you to help me.
Because she is standing in between me and my degree.
I have to learn to deal with her.
I need to learn to at least respect her.
(Honestly, I have no respect for her)
Clearly, I have given her too much power in my life for me to feel the way I do.

My car isn't working right again.
Its running though
So I'm gonna keep driving it.
I'm gonna take it to the shop tomorrow.
Please don't let it cost too much to fix!!!

Do you even hear my prayers anymore?
I don't blame you if you don't.
Its not like I talk to you on a regular basis.

I hope you hear me this time though.
You see, its my uncle.

I got news about his health and it doesn't look so good.
The doctors say that its lung cancer that has metastasized to his lymph nodes and his brain.
The doctors say that there is nothing they can do except give him chemo and pain meds to ease his pain.
I just wanted to see if thats what you have to say about him.

I mean, I know everyone has to pass on at some point.
But, its just doesn't seem fair.
He just had another son.
I mean, his son isn't even 2 years old yet.

I know people say not to question you because you don't make mistakes.
I get that.
I do.
But do you think you can take another look at his situation.
Maybe there's another option.
I don't know what I'm saying.
I don't want him to be in pain
Can you give a doctor a divine idea of a new treatment?

I don't know.
I really wish I could get in my car, or on a plane or something
and go to Selma, Alabama and go spend a week with him.
I don't even get to see him much any more.


Ok, I'm going to end it here.
I know everyone else is trying to talk to you too.

Even though it may not seem like it,
I do love you and recognize you as God.
In the words of my granny, I know who butters my bread...LOL

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