Dear God

Dear God,

It's been a while.
I know I have to do better.
I know you sent your Son to die for my sins.
I am gonna do better (for real this time)

*sigh*

I'm tired God.
I need your help to make it through this.
I already know failure is around the corner if I try to carry this one alone.
I need your strength for this journey.
I ain't strong or smart enough.
I mean, you know my heart.
You know whats in there, right?

Well for starters, this is my last year in school.
I was hoping that it would be my last semester but I messed that up.
So, I'm taking 18 hours, plus a 15 hour/week internship, plus 25 hours/week at the job.
Oh and did I mention, time for home work and life.
Yea, I'm super mad at myself for this one.

I need your help.
I don't like one of my professors.
And I don't mean I don't like onions but I'll eat them occasionally.
I mean I don't like her like I don't like liver.
I don't even like to see her.
Thats how much she gets on my nerves.
I really need you to help me.
Because she is standing in between me and my degree.
I have to learn to deal with her.
I need to learn to at least respect her.
(Honestly, I have no respect for her)
Clearly, I have given her too much power in my life for me to feel the way I do.

My car isn't working right again.
Its running though
So I'm gonna keep driving it.
I'm gonna take it to the shop tomorrow.
Please don't let it cost too much to fix!!!

Do you even hear my prayers anymore?
I don't blame you if you don't.
Its not like I talk to you on a regular basis.

I hope you hear me this time though.
You see, its my uncle.

I got news about his health and it doesn't look so good.
The doctors say that its lung cancer that has metastasized to his lymph nodes and his brain.
The doctors say that there is nothing they can do except give him chemo and pain meds to ease his pain.
I just wanted to see if thats what you have to say about him.

I mean, I know everyone has to pass on at some point.
But, its just doesn't seem fair.
He just had another son.
I mean, his son isn't even 2 years old yet.

I know people say not to question you because you don't make mistakes.
I get that.
Really.
I do.
But do you think you can take another look at his situation.
Maybe there's another option.
I don't know what I'm saying.
I don't want him to be in pain
Can you give a doctor a divine idea of a new treatment?
Maybe?

I don't know.
I really wish I could get in my car, or on a plane or something
and go to Selma, Alabama and go spend a week with him.
I don't even get to see him much any more.

*sigh*

Ok, I'm going to end it here.
I know everyone else is trying to talk to you too.

Even though it may not seem like it,
I do love you and recognize you as God.
In the words of my granny, I know who butters my bread...LOL

Untitled

I don't know why I'm in such a solemn mood...but its what came out so here is a little piece of me that I'd like to share with you...with love

peace n sunshine

--
don't stand over me wailing
and please don't tell lies
don't sit in your house doing nothing
to say you miss my smile.

don't fret about the things you could've done
if you'd known there was such little time.

don't hold me back from leaving this life
when my time has come.

cherish the moments we shared
my new life has just begun.

this is my plea
and I leave it with thee.

its too much, you may say
for me to ask these things.

don't cry?

smile and laugh?

how?

when with each thought of me
you feel pain
reminding you that no longer am I here.

hopefully I've made peace with my maker
and am resting at ease.

so if you do anything:

party

Laugh

Love

Have Peace

when you remember me.

i am me

This is a piece that I wrote a couple of months ago and decided that I would share with you guys.  I don't know if anyone ever really reads my stuff but any who...here goes nothing....i am me

I won't apologize for being who I am and thinking the way I think...
I am ever-learning, ever-growing, ever-adapting to the challenges of life that I face...
Here lies the beauty of life...
This is what separates us...
This world would be so boring if we all thought, spoke and acted the same way...
I love you because you are you...
Thats beauty...
It makes living this thing called life more comical...
I can't change the fact that I speak hard...
I 've tried changing the fact that I don't smile that much...
I really can't see my face to know what it looks like...
I've tried to fit in to what is normal...
I've failed every time...
Take time to talk to me, I don't bite unless you attempt to bite me first...
I can't change that I fight for what's right no matter what punishment I earn as a result of it...
Its okay that you choose to sit on the sidelines and watch me be ridiculed and mistreated...
I understand that everyone is not cut out for those fights...
It doesn't make you weaker than me or make you smarter than me, when my words hurt me in the long run even though you benefit from them...
I love you still...
This is beautiful...
I love that you are successful in your endeavors even though I was one of your biggest motivators to follow your dreams...
Even though you made it and forgot me it seems...
Do I miss the time we shared...
Of course I do...
I love you silly, and I'll cherish those memories always...
I don't fault you for being you and doing what you feel is right for you to do...
I have to do whats right for me too...
Beauty...
I never said a thing when I saw you with all your new things while I sat there eating beans out of cans when you chose to not pay me back...
I never let you see me cry when you turned and walked away and left me waiting...
I stood and waited...
I hoped you'd come back...
You didn't...
Even though it hurt me, it was beautiful...
I don't hate that you have what you have and I have what seems like peas to your potatoes...
Thats fine...
I've learned how to work what I have so that I'm not left starving...
We've all been hurt before...
We all want to think that our problem is so much worst than the next person's...
A lot of times their problem is way worse than our's...
This life we live is beauty-full...
I love you...
It can sound so false even though it can mean so much...
Humph...
I mean, what does that phrase really mean...
To me, it means...
That I care about you enough to go broke for you...
to fight for you and with you...
to push you...
to cover your back...
to hold you up when your weak...
I hear myself say I love you way too much to others to only seldom hear it back...
Maybe I care for you more than you than you care for me...
I don't judge you for that...
Its who I am...
How I am...
Beauty Ful...
Even though, I may never hear you say it...
Even though you'll never know how many times you've hurt me...
Even though you do and say things that I don't like...
Even though you don't don't know how many times you've made me smile or laugh...
Even though you don't know how much I miss you when you go missing in action...
Even though you're busy when I need you...

I...
LOVE...
YOU...
You don't have to change a thing to gain my love...
I love that you best me every time...
I love that you hold me up even when I feel like falling...
I love that you make me smile when I feel like curling up in a ball and dying...
I love that you are YOU...
I LOVE YOU...
I...
LOVE...
YOU...
Each of you add to the beauty that fills me as my ability to love you grows...
YOU make ME full of beauty...
And thats BEAUTIFUL!!!

the line is already thin

This post is for everyone but its especially for guys out there.  Don't let good sex put you in a situation that you don't want to be in. 

I was talking to one of my guy friends about the warning signs that people in relationships ignore before the situation starts getting crazy.  His male cousin had to throw a girl out of his house because she start throwing and breaking things when they started arguing during a visit to his home. 

I asked my friend what they were arguing about...are you ready for it? 

She was upset because she was a sideline chick and she wanted to be his main chick.  Now she knew that he had a girlfriend and that their situation would be strictly sex.  

So this was our convo:

Me: Oh well, that's his fault that she tore his stuff up.  I'm not saying she was right but he should have seen that coming.

Him: Well, how would he know she was gonna do that?

Me: If they were arguing about her being his main girl, then thats not the first time they have had the discussion.  Its his fault because he should have stopped having sex with her after the first time she admitted that she was catching feelings. 

Him: What are you saying? 

Me: Is that a trick question? I'm saying he should have stopped fcuking her and left her alone. But because he chose not to do that he ended up with a chick in HIS house breaking HIS isht. 

Him: Whatever! 

Me: It not a whatever! He should have believed her when she first said she was catching feelings.  I don't care if she said she was cool with being a side chick after she caught feelings.  No girl, woman, or person (guys) whats to be a side piece to someone that they have feelings for.  If they tell you its cool, they are lying and plotting on a way to make that person like them back. Period point blank.  Maybe if guys would think with their brain instead of their penis there wouldn't be so many women spazzing out on men.

--

My point is the line is thin and the warning signs are there. Why won't you open your eyes and take note of the mess you are about to get into?

Some females do not know how to have sex and not catch feelings for a guy.  When a girl admits that she's catching feelings, please don't think that she just thought it up.  No boo, she has felt that way for a while.  Females are not raised to chase a man for the most part so to be the first one to admit that she caught feelings was something that she thought about for a good minute before she opened her mouth about it.  And then again, I don't think a guy would come out and just tell a chick the he's caught feelings if he knows that he's a side piece.  I may be wrong but I'm just saying.

Most females analyze stuff.  We think about what you said, how you said it, and try to figure out why you said it when you said it.  We may never act on any of those thoughts but it crosses our minds.  Its true. 

So if you know that you are already cheating on your main girl, why would you continue to have sex with a chick that has openly admitted to you that she wants to be you main girl??? That just doesn't make common sense! AND the longer you keep having sex the more bold she will get - hence, she broke up your house in front of your homeboys.  Next thing you know, she'll be posting pictures of you in her house chilling on FB and Twitter.  And then she'll get bold enough to confront/call the main girl. Even worse, she purposely gets pregnant by you, forcing you to be connected to her for the rest of your life.

Be Smart!!! USE COMMON SENSE!!! Don't let put you in a situation you don't want to be in!!! 

The line is already thin, don't make it thinner by ignoring all of the warning signs please.

with love,

peace n sunshine

being teachable

Hello again. I am having another sleepless night it seems. My school/work/internship schedule has me completely off of my normal sleep schedule...

Anywho, I was sitting in my bed thinking about my day and if I had to write the lesson I learned today, it is 'Be Teachable'

I don't think students have taken notice of how many people are successful because they had a little business sense and were teachable. A person can shoot an idea to hades and completely miss their target; go back and link up with someone who is successful in that industry and gain all the knowledge they need to become successful in that field...that is, if they are teachable and willing to accept, and ask for help, when they need it - and even when they don't! Being a teachable person incites professionals to talk freely about business standards with you. Become a sponge and soak up as much information about your field. Pay attention to what you learn during these experiences and apply them to your business and life.

I really don't understand how someone can feel like he has a right to be cocky, with no experience or a degree. I ask myself, is he really so cocky that he won't accept direction from someone who DOES what he WANTS to do for a living? What is that all about? Seriously!

Ladies and Gentlemen, in the state of the current economy, the small stuff is causing people to be overlooked. Jobs that would receive 20 applicants are now receiving over 100 applicant submissions. Handing in assignments with text message lingo, ie. typing 'u' instead of 'you', is completely ridiculous. And this really does happen. More unbelievable is that prospective employees go on interviews and present resumes and porfolios that have NOT been proofed and have the audacity to wonder why they didn't receive a call back for the position.

If you won't take the time to proof your personal work, why would an employer want to entrust his company's reputation with you? You haven't taken the time to sell yourself to the employer. The employer can't expect you to create professional deliverables for clients, because you have poor writing and editing skills. And because you didn't take the time to get help to do better it tell the employer that you won't take the time to proof their client's work prior to presenting it to them. Read books if you cannot write. Visit you're college's writing center. Read a dictionary, and increase your vocabulary. Read grammar books. Do whatever you have to do to get the help you need to represent yourself well on paper.

BUT, if you think you're all of that and a bag of chips and you can't even write a basic resume to sell yourself to the company, something is wrong.

This is just food for thought, encouraging you and myself - no matter what stage of life you are in - to strive to BE TEACHABLE!!!

with love,

peace n sunshine

feed the hungry

hello yet again, inspiration has truly struck, 3 in a row...is there a medic in the house??? No really, I haven't felt like writing in forever so I have no what's going on but I'll take it!!!

So I am beginning to believe that I have a feed hungry college kids ministry...I get more requests from my friends to cook, cook, and cook. Now mind you...I'm no fantastic cook. I pretty much learned how to cook the things that I really like and the things that my aunt taught me about baking sweets. Growing up, I was always involved in something - cheerleading, girl scouts, step team, jack & jill of america, church, basketball, dance line (and thats only a few of the organizations I was involved in. I honestly didn't even learn how to wash clothes until I was a senior in high school when my mom made me sit still long enough to learn how. There was never any mother/daughter cooking dinner classes. I always liked making cakes and stuff like that so my mom would sit in the kitchen with me when I did that but, I am a self-taught cook in most aspects. I know its sad, right?

Well my self-taught cooking is being appreciated by the kids on campus. I used to fix dinner 2 times a week, Sundays and Wednesdays. On those days, its like I am having an actual open house all day long. I would entertain up to 10 people throughout the day...it is truly tiresome.

Since school started back I haven't had the time or energy to cook the way I used to. That means no food for the hungry kids on campus. I know you may be saying well, why are you cooking for them, have you done anything for people in need? And I understand the concern. I think that everything should be done in moderation. Sometimes a little goes so far to make people feel comfortable and at ease away from their family. I purge my closet 4 times a year, and usually give away brand new clothes. I give donations to charitable organizations when I can. And I give my younger classmates a home-cooked meal whenever I can.

You never know how much a conversation over some chicken, mac n cheese, greens, cornbread, and sweet potato pie can go to help someone on their journey. I had made and solidified a number of friendships over those home cooked meal...and knowing that means the world to me.

with love,

peace n sunshine

my professor makes me so sick...

Hey guys, its me again...I don't know why but I felt like writing some more so I am. This time I'm going to right about my professor. She really knows how to boil my blood. Its funny because I have a few friends who have been talking about dropping out of school and joining the military. Well every time they talk about it, I always say, "why don't you finish school and join as an officer?" Well, that very philosophy is biting me in the butt right now. I am currently in my last year of school and I see the same professor 2-3 times on class days. So I have no choice but to deal with her...the reason I don't like her is because she has the mentality that every college student should dedicate 100% of their life to college classes and work. She went from undergrad to graduate to doctoral back-to-back-to-back. She was basically a nerd in college, and really didn't get any hands on experience. The assignments that we get are really becoming obsolete tools of public relations. Anywho, this professor is getting a honorable mention today because she decided to interrupt my group presentation today to make suggestions during our presentation about how we should go do more research...now you may be saying, that's not that bad...well let me give your some background, the presentation was being done as a campaign introduction and the mass communications department head and faculty/staff were in the audience...oh and did I mention that we had visited my professor's office last week and gave her a detailed explanation of our campaign. Last week she had nothing to say...today, she's full of ideas.

Then after the guests leave, she walks her behind up to our group station and says, "Oh my goodness, you guys did so great!!! I could have slapped the bologna out of her!!! In the words of my sistah-queen, Helesi, she makes my azz itch!!!

with love,

peace n sunshine

back to school

Hi guys! Its been forever since the last time I posted. I have a full plate this semester...

Sidebar...for those of you that don't know I am a 25 year old college student that lives on campus. Yep. Thats what I just said...I live on campus. Campus life is different. I lived on my own for nearly 5 years before I decided to return to school and move back on campus. It has been an experience. Although the convenience of living on campus is fantastic, adjusting to the rules of campus living can be irritating. No wine glasses, no coffee maker, no toaster, no slow cooker, no candles, no alcohol, and most importantly no weapons...and if found in your apartment will get you a fine up to $150. Yea. Its complete bologna. Another tough thing to deal with is being mistaken for an eighteen year old by members of the faculty and staff who prefer to treat students like a five year old. So not cool. Any who it is what it is and I have to work with what I've got to get to my goal...becoming a college graduate...

So, like I was saying, I have a full plate this semester. I am in school carrying an 18-hour full load of classes, a 15-hour/week internship, and a 20hr/week job...plus homework, sleep and what little time I have left to simply enjoy life. Its easy to get overwhelmed with a schedule like that. I am simply making it my business to keep a balance in my personal, school, internship, and work life. At 2-weeks into the semester, I have found myself spending a lot of time by myself. I don't have much time to entertain friends and company the way I usually do. I have found myself becoming one of those coffee shop nerds...which I have always had an issue with going out places alone.

So I am living and learning and growing as I embark upon my last year here at Savannah State University. I don't want this to be too long, so I'm going to end this one here and will post another one a bit later. I hope you enjoyed this. Let me know what you think...

peace n' sunshine